Death Note One Shots
by schoolgirl-cheesesculpture
Summary: Random parodies about random characters in Death Note. Delete with Mikami and 'God'.....
1. The Death Note

Death Note Parody

The Death Note

The story begins after Ryuk has just meat Raito and has told him all about how to use it and all that jazz.

"So…..What you are saying is that I can make anyone die however I want and whenever I want as long as I know their name and face?" Raito said looking as innocent as he could only look before he got bent on his desire to rule the world.

"Well, with some limitations….But basically, yep." Ryuk looked down at Raito with his giant, glowing red and yellow shinigami eyes imagining Raito's head as a big shiny apple. His mouth started to water slightly.

"So, if I was actually creative (Which….as we all know he's not) If I really wanted someone to get strangled by monkeys…..it would happen?" Raito inquired with his know-it-all voice.

"You……you have a strange mind……I like you." Ryuk tore eyes his eyes away from Raito's head and floated aimlessly around in the air.

"Cool" Raito looked up has his very large apple loving 'friend'…..thing…..

The Next Day……..

The voice coming from the television filled Ratio's room, soon to be replaced by his creepy over-exaggerated laughter.

"Breaking News!! There was a casualty at the local zoo today. The coroner has stated that he was strangled. He had been standing by the monkey cage at the time of his death. In a seeming related story, the monkeys from the cage have escaped."

This is when Raito starts laughing.

THE END


	2. L's Emoness

Death Note Parody

L's Emo ness

L was going through his usual morning routine. He woke up, and got dressed in his random whiteness. Then he gelled his hair (how else do you think it stays up….magic? Well, that's another story...) and got out his eyeliner. Unfortunately for him, this is when his day started going down hill. He was carelessly applying it when he felt and unwanted jolt of pain. This little stick of wood and black color had just stabbed his abnormally large eye. Throughout the day L was constantly obsessing about he wounded eye.

"L, want color I should paint my nails?" Matsuda asked L.

"The color of pain….." L was rocking back and forth on his chair, clutching his eye.

"Black it is" Matsuda said getting up from his chair and walking to the bathroom.

"Hmm…..Black, not a bad idea." L got out of the chair and walked to his bathroom. Before he entered he turned around and told Watari to go and get Matsuda some black nail polish. In the mean time, getting more and more frustrated about everyone asking what they should do, L started looking through the cupboards.

When he found what he was looking for, he rolled up his long sleeves, exposing his pale skin of his wrist. And then he started to cut, bleeding his worries away.

When Watari knocked on the door to give him his black nail polish, it was the first time he saw that L was an emo.

(A/n why else does he wear long sleeved shirts?)


	3. Raito's Paranoia

Raito's Paranoia

Raito was getting paranoid. Ever since he picked up a strange note book, this……thing…….was stalking him. At first he told himself that the only reason he was paranoid was because people were following him around. But then he started realizing that no one else could see it.

Then an actual person started stalking him, adding to his worries. So one day when he was traveling on a bus, he decided to talk to the human stalker. He said his name was Ray. And then he decided to kill him.

Even after Ray was gone, the strange creature was still following him around and trying to talk to him. A bit after that he always had a strange feeling of being watched in his own house. So he decided it was the creatures fault. He decided to torture it, by not giving it what it most desired……An apple.

He could admit that the first couple of days were kind of fun watching its body configure into strange shapes, but then he started feeling sorry for it.

A bit after he met a strange girl…..

"Raito? What are you doing?" Ryuk hovered over him, watching him strangely.

Raito hummed softly, rocking back and forth. He was sitting in a corner in the fetal position. It was just becoming too much. The strange girl named Misa was the last straw……

"Well, fine don't answer me. I'll be down stairs eating all the apples I can." Ryuk gave one last glance at Raito to make sure he was ok and left.

"No!! No!! Get away from me you freaks!!" Raito started to hum louder and he was rocking faster occasionally sucking on his thumb. A genius mind can only take so much……


	4. Ryuk and his Apples

Ryuk and His Apples

"Hey Ryuk, where do you want to go to eat?" Ratio asked him.

"Apples" Ryuk stated hungrily.

"Umm, that's not a place…….its food."

"Hmm…Well, I heard about magical place in Canada called the Okanagan." Ryuk's mouth started to water. "Apparently they have the best apple orchards in the world!" His hands were gripping the imaginary apples floating in the air. He took a bite but it tasted too much like the apples from the shinigami world. "Can we go there?"

"I…I don't think so." Raito looked up at his freaky companion. "Its not a good place to dominate the world from. Here is much better."

"Fine." Ryuk started to sulk.

In the middle of the night….

Ryuk was having the best dream ever. He was dreaming he was in the Okanagan eating all the apples off the trees. After that he all of a sudden was in New York looking at the big apple. He pranced towards it, leaving a trail of drool behind him. But when he sunk his fangs into it, it tasted a lot like hair……and a hint of blood….. Then he heard a Raito scream like a little girl, and he woke up with his mouth around Raito's head.

The End


	5. Naomi Misora Adventure

Naomi Misora Adventure

(A/n no matter how much it seems that we were on drugs, we weren't, it was probably just the extra adrenaline from a near death experience. NEIGH!! Says a horse)

This is the adventure of Naomi Misora. She is a funny person. See her walk around to find her fiancé's murderer. See her talk to Kira. See her not realize its not Kira. See her tell him everything about how she really wants to find him so she can marry him. See him run away. See her cry. Cry Naomi cry. Poor Kira. See Ryuk laugh. Laugh Ryuk laugh.


	6. Near's Hair Problems

Near's Hair Problem

Near was thinking. So, characteristically, he was twirling his hair around his index finger. "I think we should get….." he eyes lit up as he said his favorite restaurant, "MCDONALDS!!!!"

One of the people that worked with him said, "But we've already had McDonalds three times this week! Can we go somewhere else like…..Pizza hut?"

Near looked like he was about to cry. "But….I want the toy!" then he screamed out with total and utter pain. "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!" He had gotten his finger stuck into his hair.

Instantly, everyone in the room reacted. They tried for about one hour to get his finger out of his curly white mane. (Don't ask….) But his mane would not let its captive go (again, don't ask…). Eventually, someone came in with a pair of scissors. But when Near saw them, he screamed "NOOO!!!!!! MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR!!!!!!! MELLO'S HAIR WILL BE BETTER THEN MINE!!! I CAN'T HAVE THAT!!"

The person with the scissors assured him, "You won't even notice it….. I promise…"

After another excruciating hour, they finally got Near to let them cut his finger out of his 'mane'.

----Later that same day ----

Near was on the phone with Raito. "Are you sure your not Kira?"

"Yes….for the last time I'm sure! It's not like you to be so forward with your questions. Is something bothering you?"

"Well, I did have an upsetting experience today..." He said while rubbing a bald spot that was once a part of his full head of hair.


	7. Burning Image

**Burning Image**

Matt and Mello were 'sleeping'. So, in other words, they were talking when they were supposed to be sleeping. It was pitch black, and neither could see anything. Matt started wondering if he even had his eyes open.

'Hey Matt, what time is it?' Mello asked.

Matt dived for his cell phone, desperately trying to figure out what the time was before Mello did. Light flooded the room as he opened it, and he was looking right at the screen. 'Ahhhh!!!!! My retinas! They burn!'

He sat there for a while, rubbing his eyes.

TEN MINUTES LATER

'So, Matt, what time is it?'

'I don't know. I'll check.'

And thus, the story repeated itself.


	8. Delete

(A/N: This one sucks…. I'm sorry)

Mikami had a problem. He was in a major predicament. He was in such a tum-tigger, pickle or any other word for being in a complete mess.

He needed –no, just had- to get this genius fanfiction out to the world. It consisted of him and 'God' and he had a secret crush on him.

Unfortunately for him, the most important button was stuck beyond repair. Not even yelling at it would make it work… it was….

THE DELETE BUTTON


End file.
